Akosua Abebrese Writes: ‘I’ve Not Had Orga$m for Almost 3 Months Because of ‘Dumsor’ in Ghana’

Black woman
Black woman

I’ve made it a priority to walk through the face of any person, be it a man or woman who tells me the ‘Dumsor’ is not that bad or the President should not be pressured to find a fix now—and by this, I mean to slap the hell out that son of a b*tch until all his or her teeth drop to the floor.

My cousin was recently rushed to the hospital for a near-death stomach pains and it’s all because that NDC woman who sells Banku and Tilapia near our junction sold her a fresh looking Tilapia which in fact had suffered Dumsor for God knows how long in her fridge.

This is why I begin to look for a hammer to break a skull anytime I hear people make ‘Dumsor’ a political propaganda because this nonsense is affecting everyone including my dog which barks incessantly for about 15 minutes anytime the lights are taken off in the evening.

We’ve bought two fridges so far in the last 1 year because of the power outages and only half of the fridge wall is working for the one sitting near me now. Have you ever seen a fridge with one part cooling and the other as hot as walking through Makola on a Friday afternoon pressed by the need to use the toilet? Check into my house if you have time…

Enough of the above because most Ghanaians may be facing that and I am not here to become the mouthpiece for every Ghanaian…F**k that, I wouldn’t be paid for such a job so let me just deal with my huge problem of being orga$m starved for almost 3 months because of President Mahama and his Dumsor cousin.

The Ghanaian men I’ve been meeting are pretty stingy and most of them don’t fit my kind of man. Even when I was ready to pass some of them for the mere fact that I can use and abuse them anytime I need to satisfy my sexual desire, the two that I considered this way failed me brutally.

I now understand why there is an increase in the sales of tonics and bitters all over Ghana. Our men have become 3 seconds sluggish worms. For the last candidate, he didn’t’ even show up for the match after I whetted my pu**y appetite from morning, waiting for that grand volcanoes to explode in his face.

The non-performance of these men and the fact that I couldn’t put myself through the constant emotional torture of whether it was going to be great or another flop meant that I had to seek for other avenues to satisfy the goddess in me—I am sure my goddess was a wh*re on planet Venus, else what would explain this extreme high libido of mine which makes some women even jealous?

Personally, I find women who are able to count the number of orga$ms they’ve had losers—perhaps that explains why most of my sisters are really mean on the ‘trotro’ these days. I jumped into trotro with smiles every morning, because I know how loud I screamed before wearing my panties for work. It takes a little time but eventually I make it there almost every morning with those toys my friend-Jessica introduced me to when I could not anymore rely on the pool of men. I go to heaven and come back at least twice. But that was then…

In the last 3 months, even my boss at work who is blind to the fact that the IT guy she is f**king today is my store reject has been asking if everything is good at home—because I get to work extremely frustrated. The happy trotro lady nearly slapped a trotro mate recently for giving me a change short of a pesewa or so.  And it’s all because I am always angry, hungry and starved in a department where I had no problem sometimes back—my toys are intact and are reliable but ‘dumsor’ means I cannot even find power when I so much need to use them.

My church of Pentecost mother sleeps next door to me and as much as I do not care which angle God is watching me from whenever my legs are wide opened, I find it outstandingly uncomfortable to use that replacement cheap toy I got which uses batteries from Osu because they are f**king too loud and my mother is not a deaf, she would hear it. The noise alone is a complete game spoiler for me too.

Occasionally, when my mother is out (which hardly happens), I use the batteries baby just like that but even energizer cannot sustain the work for too long, 2 or 3 times and it goes dead. Even the batteries’ seller in that MTN painted kiosk recently asked me why I am buying a lot of batteries all of a sudden after work. I told him I use them for my ‘walkman’ because I cannot get power to charge my ipod . You can’t imagine the look on the face of that fool—who uses a ‘walkman’ these days? And what is your business if I am buying batteries every second?

I know people have lost their jobs and businesses have closed down because of this power crisis—but that is pretty normal because even in United States and UK, businesses close down all the time and people loose their jobs each day. For me, I don’t really care much about those because it’s not in backyard yet—what worries me is the fact that, I am totally starved and almost 3 months, I have had no orga$m or come near it even, all because of Dumsor. Call me selfish, I don’t really care because we all have different needs. This is wicked, this is inhumane and to be frank, sometimes I wish I can sue President Mahama for the emotional and sexual damage his government is causing me…

What the f**k is wrong with this country and the leaders? How can a woman’s right to getting orga$m be taken away from her in a 21st century for this long? Where are the feminist sisters, can you people help me make my case? Or is this not part of the feminists agenda?

I walk about in Ghana as if I am a she-goat on heat, ready to blast out but unable to—I am one of those who need a lot of speed and energy so my fingers are no good. And as I stated above, the men have become useless too.

If you ever hear that a Ghanaian woman has jumped onto President Mahama and has succeeded or attempted in raping him, look no further, it may be me—I hear those from the North have a special blessing down there too.

They f**king better bring back our lights or else….

You think Yvonne Nelson, Lydia Forson, Ama K. Abebrese and the rest are very patriotic and care so much about Ghana right? Use your head; they may be swimming in the same pool as me…Ask Yvonne or Lydia when was the last time they came—sisters are wild for something.

Dumsor must f**king stop now.

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