Mention being a naïve/childish/silly/ignorant/prudish/crazy/no nonsense attitude – I have being been there/done it and still doing some. Some I have grown out of (age), others I dumped when I got wiser (maturity) and one or two I need to maintain because it’s done more good than harm to me.
When I was young, among other things, I only had two types of men in my head I always ‘lied’ to myself I’ll marry when they cross my path. A handsome man like my father or brother (now that is what I call babyish) but then as I got older, I realised that incest was what was on my mind because everybody is an individual and I’m never going to get a daddy-lookalike or brother-lookalike.
With age, maturity and exposure (in numbers) comes clarity in how we relate to people presently and in future endeavours. A lot of the reasons things don’t work out for us (in all areas of our lives) has got to do with immaturity – nothing to do with others but everything to do with us. We didn’t realise we were insensitive, arrogant and proud. The ‘things’ which becomes clear with maturity:
Common sense is not so common to all. Being intelligent or very educated does not mean having common sense.
‘Privacy’ and keeping mum about our damn business actually comes with maturity. It may feel good to let the world know what’s happening in our private businesses but you can’t tell everything to everybody (even if they’re friends because majority of our so called friends are fre-enemies). Put some out and keep some in. Some of our problems erupted when we started inviting others into our business by sharing too much and unnecessary information.
If you hate breakups – look away now! I believe experiences of dating the good, bad and ugly (in character) is/are extremely necessary; in order to discern what traits we are more compatible with. The fear of breakups makes people stay in relationships when their hearts are not even there. How can you explore when you’re bent on staying with the first guy/girl who comes around? Starting new relationships will gives a clearer idea/picture of what you can simply live with or without.
We most often go back to exes not because they are the best, we can’t get anyone better than them or they can’t do without us (or vice versa) but we get back together with them because of the convenience and/or sometimes the control. Getting back together severally in most cases is tantamount to wasting your time and allowing others to pass. By and by we finally breakup so why go back if the root of the problem was never solved in the third, fourth instance.
The number of years of knowing somebody doesn’t mean they are ‘the one’. There’s comfort in familiarity but within the span of that relationship, how healthy, fulfilling and satisfying was it? There’s a difference between having a relationship and being stuck with a person. Also, when in new relationships, don’t expect the person to treat you how others treated you. If you want the same treatment, go back to wherever you’re coming from since they’re professionals in the trade.
With age may also come with urgency but urgency falls into desperation so that is really a no go area because being eager for a relationship easily blurs your wants from your needs.
You can have a ‘bit’ of clarity in the ‘number’ of people you have had relationships with but it doesn’t give you a clear cut on how you grew and developed in present/future relationships because when taking stock, you’ll realise you entangled yourself with the same attitudes, character and personality with the ‘same person’ with different names and faces.
Does age come with clarity in relationships and life? Not really because we all age but unfortunately we all don’t mature in sense but with maturity always come clarity with life and relationships. When we mature, what may appear to us and others like lowering our standards will not be the case but really knowing what should be a deal breaker and what should not.
With maturity and an open mind comes clarity in the task of relationships. We finally settle on ‘one’ at the end of the day because they meet our very core need/s (not financial or material needs). All the ‘crap’ we look out for in potential husband/wives becomes a thing of the past because we do end up with people who will complement and fulfil that core need of ours. It takes true commitment and a desire to tenacity in order to create the type of devotion necessary for the long haul.
…Lest I forget, drinking Ribena and bread (the blood and body of Jesus) doesn’t wash away the consequences of actions we take or have taken in the past. We just have to ‘hope’ that our past does not invade and destroy our present and future. Hope? No! Just make good choices – wise and mature choices that is.