The rate at which single parents (especially women) are turning a blind eye to abuse being meted out to their children is very alarming. Their teenage daughters are raped and helpless children violently abused and sometimes killed by so-called partners.

A woman was jailed for killing her child because ‘her boyfriend was ready to marry her but he said her child is his problem’. This clearly is a woman who put marriage first before the welfare of her child. If a child is a problem for any man/woman who wants a relationship with you, let them go because the child won’t just disappear like a boil or pimple.

Sometimes, in a quest by single parents to find father and mother figures for their children, they end up taking one step forward and 3 steps back. They allow their partners to negatively influence their relationships with the children. It’s very easy to start dating or have relationships when you’re single but it’s not easy when there are kids involved.

A single parent’s priorities in life are different from other people. Their children’s needs and welfare will naturally come first and foremost in their list of priorities. Some people conceal their status when they enter new relationships with the excuse that previous ‘suitors’ didn’t stay when they found out they had a child/children.

For how long are you going to hide the child? Do you wait after marriage before coming clean? That’s starting marriage on a false foundation and you’ll have trust issues if the person doesn’t walk away.

When you feel you’re ready to start a new relationship, remember

• Honesty is the best policy – let them know your ‘situation’; it’s important they know you have a child/children. If you do think the relationship could develop with someone you meet, it’s unfair to mislead them about your personal situation
• Don’t introduce the child/children too early especially during the dating stage. Sometimes the relationship dies before it even starts so avoid and you can’t introduce different people to them all the time.
• If your ‘love interest’ is not keen on the child/children or you realise they don’t want or not ready to meet them – don’t force it and don’t force such relationships because you come as a package.
• Keep an open mind
• If you’re the type who goes with the flow in relationships, it’s not advisable when children are involved. Don’t let the wind direct your relationship; direct the relationship yourself.
• Don’t go in with unrealistic expectations of a suitable partner.

You got pregnant and the relationship ended…big deal…many people get pregnant out of wedlock but few have children out of wedlock – are you going to kill yourself – just get on with it but if for any reason you want to kill your children, pull the trigger yourself; don’t hand the gun over to someone who can walk out off the relationship any time they want to.

I know of ex-girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband but I’ve never heard of ex-children or ex-parents. Don’t put your child/children at risk by introducing paedophiles and monsters because you want a mother or father figure in their lives. If you fear the single life or ‘can’t live alone’, the probability of staying in crappy relationships is very high. You’ll be forced to be with people you’re not happy with and until you find their replacement, you’ll accept any crumbs thrown at you.

And if you’re looking for a mother/father figure to buy pampers and baby milk for your kids – please post the children back to mum/dad. Don’t go looking for someone with the expectation that they’ll take financial responsibility of the child. They were not ‘consulted’ before the baby making process. If they are happy to help out or take full responsibility of the child, you accept it with gratitude.