I am back, still living in Ghana with no prospects of a better tomorrow. The Government can’t be bothered and the strongest opposition party has ended up fighting themselves—giving the Government of Dead Goats more time to sketch the next grand electoral robbery.
In such a country, you cannot really own much, except your body—to give and play with it on your terms. That is why I find it deeply worrying when others allow external conceptions and controls to take charge of the only autonomy they hold.
My headline question is as old as the various ontological questions but it seems the answers women give and what actually happen are never the same—at least with the exception of me.
I got into a loud conversation with my three female friends mid this week (Yes, we always discuss men and sex, do you expect us to kill ourselves with the Dumsor talk?) and the troubling question is my headline for this article. Interestingly and perhaps to score a decency point, all my friends said they would make a man wait for at least 3 months before opening their African pot for him.
Being my friends, I know they were each lying because Serwaa’s recent was the same night she met the guy—in the west, this would be termed a one night stand. She wanted a relationship but this guy was a key getaway driver so after dropping her at her climax destination, he never answered her calls and Whatsapp messages.
Considering Serwaa’s pitiful experience and her sense of having been violated as a woman, I do understand her eager to be exceptionally cautious the next time she meets a man. But that’s just what she says, would that really happen?
The Mary, mother of Jesus Christ in the middle of the triangle is always Tiwaa: she claims she does not want to have sex with a man before marriage—and her only sex was with her first boyfriend. Since then, she has had about 4 men who have passed through her life but they did not make it to the altar so the guess is, they never had her pot to eat from it.
However, this is the same Tiwaa who has an orgasm time table, aided by fingers and toys, she screams out 3 times a week all by herself—and ingeniously, she has various scientific articles to prove that masturbation is deeply healthy. She is the known liar in the group, so her words hardly get taken serious and yet, she is the one who parades herself as the staunch Christian. She is always on ablaze with MOGPA.
Probably, the Church of Christ currently teaches masturbation as a means to stay and wait for the wedding, before letting the real thing happen.
Then Stacy the gold-digger said she makes sure she has enjoyed all the early goodies and posh restaurant dates that come with meeting a new man, which for her should last for at least 3 months—before she would let him have a bite of her.
She added that, she’s always cunning about that so after two months, she would do the whole naked cuddling and even offer a hand job if the man seriously wants something but won’t allow any penetration until it’s that time.
Of course the danger in Stacy’s tactics is obvious—and this can be demonstrated by what she told us not long ago. She tried her scheme and before she knew, the man was seriously knocking her from behind with her mouth wide opened in screams. She said it was so quick she did not even remember how her panties came off; therefore, it was a mistake. I call it being a loose woman, made easy by her own defective tactic.
I looked into the faces of my 3 friends and told them the truth: Serwaa, you come off as a ‘Wh*re’ despite your so called 3 months policy, Tiwaa is the unending ‘Liar’ who thinks she is waiting and yet does not know she is robbing herself of the beauty of true sex with her constant masturbation. And as already noted, Stacy is a ‘Loose Woman’ who can’t control herself when horny—therefore, having a 3 month wait policy is pretty useless.
By this stage, you may be wondering where I belong. If you’ve read enough of my articles, it wouldn’t have taken you long to spot that I am a Libertarian when it comes to sex—I don’t care about any policies and rules.
I do it when I feel like, so instead of throwing the power into the hands of a man, I reserve the right to also want it even if we just met. And my reason is, as long as it would happen some day, it doesn’t matter if it happens now.
That having been said, I should be attracted in some way to a man for it to happen. Before I even kick it with a man on that level, the deciding factor is always the sexual chemistry. Once that’s in place: every other thing else can happen—I don’t need that false sense of decency.
Therefore, I am different from all my friends when it comes to the talking, but when we measure the happenings, they are no different from me—except that they hate to admit their rule of imposing a waiting time before sex is a mere conception, weakly developed so to sound as though they are morally better. It’s a deep seated lie.
Most African women, I presume are like my friends, instead of embracing the realistic sexual libertarianism culture by holding on the liberty to do it whenever they want or please, they’ve allowed themselves to be caged into a cultural and religious sense of decency, placing false barriers to their own wants.
And there is that misconception which entrenches the need for women to having a waiting time: that men will run away the moment they get what they want and if you want to keep them, let them wait longer. That is falsehood at best, because if a man wants to leave, it doesn’t really matter the waiting time—in fact, the long wait would even aid his run way, especially when you have increasing sexual Libertarians like me out there.
I know men who have walked out of their 30 years marriage and those who jumped out of a week relationship. It does not matter how long you are able to hold a man glued to you—if he would stay, he would and if he would jump the cliff, there’s nothing you can do. So denying your self a human need and punishing his ego and desire under the disguise of safeguarding a relationship has no long run real benefits.
Amusingly, all my three friends I discussed above are currently single—just like me. A clear indication that their developed notion of waiting for months before having sex with a man does not make any significant different to the “hunting and maintaining the catch.”
I don’t have a waiting time and yet the men hardly stay and they claim to have waiting times, yet the men do not stay. For Tiwaa, because of her no sex before marriage doctrine, she doesn’t even get her phone number taken as though the men can spot it on her holy but beautiful face.
Now, share with me your answers: How quick must the sex happen after meeting a new man? And what’s your reason for this? Has your time scale worked for you?
Do guys also have a waiting time?
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