CHRIS-VINCENT Writes: Why I Decided to Return to Religion | I Am Officially Religious

It’s difficult to stay African and non-religious —you would be considered as immoral, as lost or sometimes as the real source of all the hovering ‘witchery and misfortunes.
For many Africans, religion is the fountainhead of morality and as such, without a belief in a God, there’s no way a person could be moral, faithful, kind or have some of the excellent virtues which have been successfully demonstrated by some of the well known theists and atheists.
Occasionally, family members and friends would be upset that I am not religious: sort of worried about my direction—forgetting that, I do not really recognised their sense of religious direction as worthy of anything.
The pressure and stress have been mounting and therefore a few months ago, I started looking for a religious group worthy of my membership.
It has been many hours of keen research; I have read piles of articles and scriptures on Buddhism, Islam, Christianity, Taoism, Hinduism, ‘Rastafarianism’, Scientology, Traditional African religion and several of the over 4,200 religions of the world.
Yeah, you read it right—there are about 4,200 religions in the world and each considers itself as the true one religion, which made it unimaginable difficult to settle for one since I did not want to be misled by Trojans.
Today, I am glad to announce and tell all those my non-religious status offended that, I am back to religion—just that, I do not belong to any of the popular religions of the world.
I have found the one true religion; the most fun-packed and sincerest religion among the collection of thousands.
I hope my decision to belong to a fairly small religion which I honestly believe it to be the true religion does not also become a problem. After all, we have freedom as to what religion to choose…right?
I have decided to join the Church of Flying Spaghetti and will register with its Netherlands’ branch which was granted a legal religious status earlier this week—and then join interested people to set up a local branch in Ghana.

The Church of Flying Spaghetti (FSM) was founded in 2005 by Bobby Henderson, as a parody of the ridiculous beliefs of creationists.
“The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose adherents are known as Pastafarians, has won a huge victory for their relatively new religion- which is winning official recognition from the government of the land- in this case the Netherlands,” BrutallyUncensored.Com reported.
“The church has sprung up in some countries across the world, as a counter point to the ridiculousness endemic in religious belief. Even though it was set up as a parody faith, it has grown into a bigger movement of secularists and free thinkers, and they continue to win several battles, utilising the free institutionalised breaks we give the religious,” the site stated.
The church members believe that “heaven is a beer volcano with a stripper factory, while hell is the same but the beer is stale and the strippers have s*xually transmitted diseases.”
This may sound inherently ridiculous, but it’s in fact more plausible than the 77 virgins-heaven and the heaven full of angels.
The church also believes that “Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world much as it exists today, but for reasons unknown made it appear that the universe is billions of years old (instead of thousands) and that life evolved into its current state (rather than created in its current form).
There are several pieces of evidence for the existence of the FSM, one crucial one is that DNA is shaped like noodles and planets are shaped like meatballs.”
“Pretty convincing if you ask me.”
Now, what will happen over the next few months or years is that various intellectuals, secularists, agnostics, skeptics and atheists will join this church in endless court battles in various countries to have it officially recognized as a religion just as Christianity and others. And be accorded all the legal protections as well as exemptions that the many religions enjoy.

If you have a job, you can request for prayer time to pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster—which is, to just go and relax with your eyes closed or to read the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
In Netherlands, the church members come “together in local churches and at events— with services devoted to socialising and eating pasta as well as drinking beer and discussing faith.”
But in Ghana, we intend to meet regularly, drink some pito and chew some chinchinga—and also discuss superstition, morality as well as pray to the God of Flying Spaghetti Monster, aided by whatever trending songs of the day, including Shatta Wale’s Kaikai.
I have set up a Facebook page for The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Ghana branch. So do like it if you are interested.
I am super excited that my family and friends cannot say I am not religious any longer; I am, the only different is, I belong to a more fun church with exciting teachings and doctrines.
I can write on whatever application form or government document that that I am religious—or I am a ‘Pastafarian’ who belongs to the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Members of the church of FSM “express our faith by putting a colander on our heads”
As Godwin Nii-Armah Okine, the Religious Affairs’ Editor of BrutallyUncensored.Com noted; “Pastafarians take their official documents photos with a colander on their heads, kinda like their own hijabs. And recently, one member in the US on the right in court to use hers in her driver’s license photo, you know, deeply held religious belief and all- so even backwards evangelical USA is catching up.”
And if you are sincerely wondering why I decided to return to religion, it’s because I have found the right one and love the sense of community-ship the church of FSM tastefully serves.