If you have been keeping up with the news, many of you would have noticed that there seems to have recently been a surge in the number of celebrity domestic violence cases; not just in Ghana but all over the world.
From Mr & Mrs John Paintsil to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard; domestic violence is nothing new in the celeb world. But I have a major problem with something, not just with the issue of domestic violence in the world but the issue of domestic violence full stop. Alas, here is where my issue lies- that man always seems to get the blame and the woman is automatically deemed ‘the victim.’
As a hot-tempered and argumentative woman myself, I KNOW that sometimes women can provoke men. We push their buttons, utter the most scathing words (whether deservedly or undeservedly), we just push and push and push whilst well aware that what we’re doing is eliciting a reaction from them.
So then why cry when you get that reaction you KNEW you were going to get by the things that were coming out of your mouth, by the getting all up in the man’s face, by the jabbing your finger in his chest and waving yours arms around?
I know that there are genuine victims of domestic violence (both male and female) out there in the world, and I know that not all victims of domestic violence arouse the rage of their abusers or deserve it in any way at all.
However, I also know that there are many ‘so-called victims’ of domestic violence who intentionally set out to chafe the anger of their partners, safe within the comfort of the age old adage of “I’m a woman so he can’t touch me”.
We’re all human, we’re all prone to outbursts of rage- NOBODY has the right to intentionally provoke anybody to commit an act of violence.
I speak from a personal level because my cousin’s ex-wife used to do that to him- (this wasn’t just behind closed doors, many a time it happened in front of myself and other members of the family)- by ‘that’ I mean the purposefully starting arguments about the most ridiculous things, getting all up in his face, physically hurting him (he actually had to go to A & E one day because she threw something at him), all the while taunting him with “if you touch me I’ll get the police on you”.
Yet, SHE was touching him, encroaching on his personal space with the sole intent of provoking him- how is that fair? If a man does that there is such a big furore yet women do it and it does not cause as big a hype- double standard?
I have brothers and after observing what my cousin went through, if a woman ever got up in any of their faces or hit them first, I would not chastise my brothers for hitting them back- I don’t care if they are women.
Nobody has the right to put their hands on anybody first. I’m trying to recollect stories of domestic violence which deviated from what we’ve come to see as ‘the norm’- those cases where the women were the ones committing the acts of violence against the men.
It does happen- women are also capable of committing the acts of violence against men- but unfortunately, it does not seem to create as big a news as when a man hits a woman.
Look at Chris Brown and Rihanna, how many years later and it’s something that is still being mentioned when Chris Brown is mentioned in the media.
There are women out there getting away with too much because of this “you don’t hit a woman” business- I repeat NOBODY has the right to hit anybody else. If you are prepared to hit someone first or provoke them, then be man enough (no pun intended) to face the consequences.