Prophet Promises To Divert The Earthquake Set To Hit Ghana But Stopping Floods Is Beyond His Capabilities

3 min

It is amazing how we have such “powerful” people in Ghana who can promise heaven and earth but we’re still the same old shithole Trump said we are. People parade themselves as “Men of God” and promise the gullible “sheeple” all sorts of ridiculous things. Men of God in Ghana can cure AIDS and cancer, fly to heaven, turn to animals, predict who is about to die, top-up prepaid ECG credit with a sticker, etc.
But amidst all these so-called wonderful miracle performers, we still need a greater miracle to save us from the shackles of mediocrity, foolishness, and lack of common sense. Maybe the Pope will be the one to make that happen for us. Every day another Prophet appears out of nowhere and tries to out-prophesy his fellow Prophets just to be in the news and get more followers. More followers means more offertory and tithes, which is their main motivation for being “Men of God” in the first place.
Never be deceived into believing these charlatans care about your salvation. In this economy? “E be your salvation we go chop?”, a wise question from a wise man. So in today’s episode of “Prophets Say The Darndest Things”, a certain Prophet Kwabena Tawiah, Head Pastor of the Church of Rabbi has shown what a big heart he has by promising to divert the earthquake the Geological Survey Department warned was imminent. He also prophesied that there will be torrential rains that will destroy lots of lives and properties but that, he can’t do anything about. (I guess that is our portion for finding ourselves in a shithole.)
According to him, he has prayed to God to divert the earthquake to a different location (the poor people in that location are probably sinners and homosexuals so they deserve earthquakes) but the heavy rains just can’t be avoided. “Anybody who tries to use a mobile phone during the rains will die if care is not taken, electric wires and poles will be severely damaged and kill people if we don’t take serious precautions against it, but as I have said in the past there is going to be a severe earthquake which has been revealed to me to happen in May, never recorded in Africa before but I will divert it to some other places” he prophesied.
He, however, declined to comment on the exact location where these earthquakes are set to occur but offered that the country will still see signs of the earthquake even though he will divert it to a different part of the world. ” If I don’t divert it there will be mourning in the country, people will die, properties will be destroyed nobody will be spared. Everybody will have a share of the earthquake.”
He encouraged Ghanaians to lead righteous and respectable lives if these disasters were to be averted. So if you don’t want to “have a share of the earthquake”, be a good person and maybe all that will happen to you will be thunder striking you down during the torrential rains. But earthquakes will not be your portion in Jesus’ name.

Ms. Ama Dzidzor, Staff Writer
Wolf in sheep's skin. I bark low and bite hard. I like to think of myself as open-minded yet set in my ways. Way more than what you see, so you need to look a bit closer.