African men are evil, a lot of women say so and I don’t doubt them all—after all, everyone’s narrative matters.
When it comes to relationships or friendships, there are a lot of callous men, and these men cause a lot of havoc—leading to the end of these human efforts to build lasting unions.
But somehow, the increasing complaints about men by women when a relationship comes to an end seem to be out of place for me—especially, when the women paint themselves as angels.
I am not saying women cannot be angels. In fact, if there were ever to be angels, I believe they would be women.
A lot of my female friends and those I know from afar are always blameless when a relationship comes to an end. It is the man who was an excruciating butt pain and didn’t want the relationship but led them on—or left them for another woman without any valid reason.
Talking about reasons, a friend’s boyfriend left her recently because she was regularly out with her female friends which he didn’t like. She claims this is a silly reason for a man to walk away.
I told her that, one person’s valid reason is always imprudent to another. She claims she had her friends and her nightlife before meeting this man so she was not going to end it. And I said; that is why he left so you can peacefully continue to enjoy your nightlife—for someone who fits his want.
These days, a lot of women want to eat their cake and have it back. The journey does not work that way—and the increasing number of “we don’t take bull shit men” riding along these days means the casualty levels will increase.
Any enterprise that is heavily reliant on informal contracts with unending implied terms like contemporary relationships with less face to face communication is bound to be capricious—if right from on set, one is ill-informed on what tickles and does not tickle the other.
A lot of lessons are not being learnt: because the truth is not being told. Adult women continue to lie to the young ones and those on social media serve unfettered facade as reality.
For instance, sources in Nigeria have said completely different and unacceptable things about why Linda Ikeji’s baby daddy left her before the child was even born to me. Apparently, she was stalking the man—visiting when she was not invited and on many occasions, she was sent away.
So there is indeed an untold side to a story, especially when a friendship or a relationship comes to end.
I don’t think any reasonable person, for the want of just getting laid, would invest his energy and time in a woman on the back of absolute lies to achieve that. Of course, lies are commonly told and some people do exactly this but remember not all men are reasonable, though they all must die.
There is no blueprint to dealing with men or women. In fact, that’s not possible because everyone is unique, mostly shaped by their own experiences, education, desires or worldview. Yet, some people jump into friendships or relationships with entrenched ideas and ways, unwilling to alter them even if absolutely necessary.
The truth is, some people have no real friends or solid relationships because even their own shadows wouldn’t date them for long or take them serious. To say they are annoyingly unworthy is an understatement.
One of my millionaire friends took a woman to an expensive restaurant out recently. He liked her and he was keeping an open mind to a relationship. The first date ended it all—because, she was constantly taking photos during the sit-down. Of course, to post after on social media. This lady thinks my friend was unfair—and that what she did is normal because everyone does that. Who wants to date everyone?
And then there are the time wasters. A lot of women do not fully appreciate the value of time. I believe a huge number of men are equally guilty too. Life is never on a pause and therefore relationship or friendship games belong to the Paleolithic era, a mundane period of human history where time was seemingly abundantly unused.
A female friend recently asked me if it was right to quickly be replying a guy she likes and gave her own number to on Whatsapp the moment he texts her. I was shocked and I asked: is that not what effective communication is about—prompt, interesting and two ways?
She said she read it online that when you reply a guy who is interested in you quickly or accepts his offers to take you out speedily, it makes him think you are somewhat cheap and always available.
I was shocked, perhaps even offended, that this person I call a friend was reading college days’ chatroom dating instructions and applying them on wholesale. Who takes dating advice or imports without contextualizing ideas from this moronic platform, called internet except for Pepper Dem Gang members—and that explains why they are bitter and almost all single with broken emotions.
Probably you want to know what I told my friend. I said: if the guy is serious, one who gives his time without forgetting its value, he will stop paying you attention and find something worth the value to do with his time while you play your nonsense game, on the back of absurd internet or friend’s advice.
And she said: true, “he does not pick my calls again’.
A lot of women are like my friend. They are not eager enough to build friendships and relationships. They claim they are but their methods are not just off-putting but insane. And yet when things do not work out, the men become the problem—they must carry all the blame with the woman always innocent and clean.
This thing called relationship is inherently confusing but with efforts, we can make sense out of it. The screwing and jumping around is fun, but it’s the equal respect that matters.
So while it’s true that some men will successfully rival ‘Lucifer’ himself, evil conducts and stupid antics are not the exclusive hallmark of one gender. The blame should fall on both sides. However, the storyteller, frequently the woman, always gathers the sympathy of all with her jaundiced narrative.