Relationship Counsellor Frank Adofoli, a counsellor a little saner than our favourite troll Lutterodt, has spilt out some words of advice for ladies on what kind of man they should choose to marry.
Adofoli tackles the issue of the ‘mama’s boy’, a guy who is beholden to his mother and places her as the centre of his universe.
In a post on social media, Adofoli said any lady marrying such a guy would find herself in trouble because he won’t be able to place his woman in her rightful place as the most important person in his life.
Instead, she would be competing for that spot with the mother and in the end, things aren’t going to end well.
Read his post on the issue below…
Don’t marry a mummy’s boy, rather marry your man. If you want to have a happy marriage as a woman then you need a man whose attention you don’t have to compete for. You need a man who puts you first. A man who puts you above his mother, he doesn’t regard you more than her but you are top on his priorities. If you marry a man who makes the mother more important than you, then you married a wrong man.
Marry a man who is mature to know you come first before everyone including his own parents; A man who doesn’t put you up for competition being his time, love, care, etc. Such a man is a right candidate for marriage, the vice versa is not.
Marriage is a priority, it is the only institution that makes a stranger more important than your own parent. If you have to leave those you love, trust, care, are loyal to for someone else, it means that stranger has more than the people you are leaving for him or her.
As a woman, your man should love you more than your parents, care for you more than them. That is the proof that he needs you in his life. There may be others who want you but if you are in for marriage, you need a man who proves he needs you. He makes you the most important person in his life. A mummy’s boy won’t make you the number one person in his life. His mother comes first before any other thing.
You always have to compete for his attention. He makes his mother his best friend and makes you a wife. For your marriage to work, you need a husband who is your best friend. Not one who makes time for his mother before you, puts his mother first before you. If you offend the mother, you risk losing your husband.
The mother is his counselor, what the mother says is what goes. He seeks approval from the mother to do things for you. You should bear in mind, the fact that the son loves you doesn’t mean the mother loves you. You will always come between him and the mother because he has not left his parent as the bible instructed in Genesis 2:24 (MEV) “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh”.
In a marriage to a mummy’s boy, when you offend the son, you offend his mother. Your marriage is not for two but rather three, and for that reason you cannot become one. The Marriage road is very narrow, and requires only a vehicle with two passengers, not three.
Many young couples don’t consider this in the beginning of their marital journey just because they were in love. Being in love is like music; the personalities involved are like the melody which causes attraction between couples. Once you settle down as husband and wife, you really get to know them well, how they live their lives, and that is like learning the lyrics of the music. You might like a music but don’t like the lyrics. Why? Because you are attracted to the melody.
Love should not only be about who the person is but who you become when you are with them. You don’t marry someone just based on their personality but how they treat you; what you become. If marrying that handsome, rich and well educated man will cause you pain one day because you have to compete with his mother, then it’s not worth embarking on such a journey.
In conclusion “Marriage should be respected by everyone” – Hebrews 13:4a (NLV).