Asamoah Gyan Is An Equal Opportunity F**KER | And He Actually Rocked the Bum?

Ghanaian football star-Asamoah Gyan has been trending for the past 24 hours and beyond the sudden rape allegation, many people seem shocked with his choice of woman, a 22-year old nobody—perhaps, a broke girl too.

A GhanaCelebrities.Com‘s reader commenting on the issue stated that ‘Asamoah Gyan is an equal opportunity f**ker…He does not discriminate when it comes to coochies.’ And to be honest, I agree with this—because, what else would have stopped Asamoah Gyan from taking off the Victoria Secret dross of someone like his former girlfriend-Sandra Ankobiah or one of our many desperate celebrities ready to f**k anything with the word ‘MONEY’ around it?

Perhaps, we need to commend Asamoah Gyan for his equality principles and the fact that, in his estimation, “all cum be cum”, irrespective of the coochie which made that happen. I can see comedian/musician-Aplus and a few others championing this idea.

On a serious note, Asamoah Gyan wanted to be smart—in the sense that, he may have wanted to avoid all those gold-diggers who would have jumped on him because of his money and status. But he ended up falling in the hole of an amateur dirty galamsey miner…

Of course Sarah Akwabla is making ridiculous demands—a neatly furnished apartment, a housemaid and a monthly stipend of $1,000 for postnatal care seem much for such a low catch, who probably has never held $1,000 cash in her life before.

Yet, this was a smart bargain by Asamoah Gyan, the equal opportunity f**ker, imagine it was someone like Yvonne Nelson or Sandra Ankobiah who got pregnant for Asamoah Gyan. Any of such kind of girls would have listed a Yacht and a weekly round trip to Dubai as part of their postnatal necessities.

So even though things seem screwed for BabyJet who honestly believes African Girls are sexy like cheese, his intention and move were deeply smart. Then again, you wouldn’t easily get the cheese scent as the hovering aroma when you are knocking it from behind if you don’t go straight into the gutters.

Forget those women who want to be f**ked in MovenPick Hotel and go for those who have only 2 sets of panties they wear on a shift pattern—that is where you would smell the sexy cheese and in fact, have the opportunity to be part of the world of a rising young freak.

Having watched that video alleged to be Sarah Akwabla (the so called s*x t*ape with Asamoah Gyan), I can confidently say it was not really a bad bargain for the Black Stars’ captain, perhaps, he should be in charge of negotiations when it comes to our national team—he has the eye for cheap products which are inherently capable of delivering a competing service just like the big shots.

We all love bargains, don’t we? Let’s just hope it’s not a fetish or some sort of Asamoah Gyan sickness…

Another shocking but interesting development in relation to this Asamoah Gyan and Sarah Akwabla epic s*x scandal is the allegation of RAPE, centred around the fact that Sarah claims she only granted Asamoah Gyan the permission to rock her coochie—but homeboy decided to forcibly take charge of her bumbum as his ultimate dessert.  This she says was out of the arrangement and therefore amounts to rape.

Legally,  Sarah Akwabla has a case—sexual trespass is a damn rape but let’s not get into the legal arguments. We saw how far KKD’s case went but eventually, it was dropped.

For me, my interest lies in the fact that, this young woman claims Asamoah Gyan loves to chop TRUMU (Bum). I wouldn’t say this is intrinsically problematic but considering Ghanaians and their detest for new things, especially when they find these things morally, culturally and religiously ‘sacrilegious’—Asamoah Gyan must be one hell of a liberal man.

So as it stands, this whole saga has taught us some new and important things about Asamoah Gyan, the richest footballer in Ghana. He is an equal opportunity f**ker—he doesn’t discriminate when it comes to the p*ssy and he seems to love great bargains in that department.

Also, he is allegedly one hell of a liberal trumuf**ker;  either a slippery gel must have been used or the girl has had that corner exploited in the past. And it could also be that, Asamoah Gyan is pretty tiny so none of the above was necessary…

Whatever it is, we should all learn to go for the bargains—even Asamoah Gyan shops that way!

This man boldly kicked a penalty off the goal poles when the whole country needed it to score—Sarah Akwabla must be insane to think he cares and sticks to fair play.

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