Dear GC,
I have put myself in a very difficult situation and now I don’t know how to get out of it. I was single for almost two years before I met my man almost three years ago. As like most relationships the first year was really great between us.
He did have some controlling issues like not wanting me to go out or hang out with my friends but I thought he was putting on all those restrictions out of love. Even though we did argue about it I eventually let a lot of my friendships go.
A year into the relationship he asked me to move in with him. I was so happy about this and moved out of the flat I shared with my friend and into his flat within a week.
After a month I started to regret my decision. He hardly stayed in, we never went out and I became a live in maid.
The only thing he seemed to want was for us to have a baby. He kept saying it would make us a family and marriage would come later. I believed him and because I was desperate to regain his attention I came off my pill two months ago and recently discovered I am pregnant.
I couldn’t wait to tell him but my boyfriend’s response was like a slap on the face. He said we cannot afford a baby as he needs to send money home to his family monthly and says I should abort!
He says we can try again next year when he will have a better job. I thought he was just getting cold feet but he is now also suggesting that I move back to my friend’s house if I don’t want to go for the abortion.
I am so scared and don’t know what to do! I feel tricked and betrayed. I don’t know where to go or who to talk to.
Gladys
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Dear Gladys,
This is truly a dreadful way for your man to respond to the news of your pregnancy. It is both heartless and selfish. However it is now for you to also put yourself first.
He will not suddenly love you and behave himself if you do this abortion so please do not be hasty in this decision!
I can understand your fear of feeling alone but should you agree to do this, not only may you regret it but there is no guarantee he will still not ask you to move out anyway.
Sometimes some men push you to see what they can get away with. It seems your man has never heard no from you and has become spoilt by you always giving him what he wants and as a result the respect has gone.
You may think that your friends will dismiss or belittle you but you know which of your friends will truly still be there and listen. Right now you need positive but honest advice as too how to move forward.The only thing your man has said that is actually accurate is about you moving out.
You know he is bribing you emotionally and he has managed to put you in a position where you rely on him and forced to do what he says.
I believe you are better off single than in a relationship that forces you to give up way too much of your life. Call on a friend or family till you can find your feet. You can’t think straight while your still in his flat. His reaction is likely to make things worse.
Hope this helps!
Regards,
SassyChic!
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
U neva no if u gon b able to have children again after de abortion so I wil advise u don’t ve it..n also for de boy,just cont to b ur nice self n if he’s sensible enuf he wil gv u de attention u need..
Gladys, mistakes as are bound to happen in life and most of the times they come to strengthen us.It is clearly written on ur man’s face that he is a responsible guy.Just move to ur friend’s flat, find a job and God will see you through.He might come asking for forgiveness someday and moreover u never know what blessings that child might bring into ur life.
not*
You better keep the baby dear and move out ASAP. He has made it clear that he dont want the child anymore. Abortion may be your easiest way out but remember to think carefully about it whilst weighing the advantages & disadvantages of it.
Good luck.
NO ABORTION. . . If your boyfriend won’t raise your baby with you raise the baby alone God knows how many hairs are on its head already Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations ” Keep your baby if you are pregnant He/She could be someone great
preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeach Miyagi..i like dat
@cici, lmao your making me shy some man need to stand up and leave there childish behaviour behind and be a real man and stop making those fake promises towards the ladies
Aww Miyagi, God bless u for such words.U make a lot of sense.
thats wise saying Brian ….. very impressed a man and saying the truth as it is …. 🙂
am in a similar situation n am not having it easy @ all, my guy wants me to abort the pregnancy cos he just came bak from a trip n needs to settle down, right now am very confused cos i want to ve the baby but something also tells me to listen to wat he’s saying, am only in my first month n hmmmmm its not rossy @ all
Do not abort the pregnancy. God has decided to bless you with this child, and all though the timing may not seem right for you … God’s time is the best. Who knows what this child will become … or what if you abort it, and then never have children again? – Don not make a mistake you will come to regret.
It happened to me two months ago, I moved in with him in january ,he is jobless and searching for a job. all our 3 yrs of being together, he talked about having a little one, in january i was very sick because of yellow fever shot I had taken and he told me he wished I was pregnant, that was sweet I thought. now and pregnant in March and he says he is not ready cos he doesnt have a job, a child is major distraction, our relationship will never be the same,etc, he gave me all the excuses in the world that he did not want the baby. It is hard when you are in a relationship with a jobless man (when I met him he had a job then lost it), i have to provide food at home, sometimes give him money and I pay the bills as well. It is hard on me. It is straining the relationship,hmm am confused about this relationship. Don’t let us talk about marriage bcos he says he is jobless and can’t marry me. I dont know how long I have towait for him (I have waited 2 and half yrs). Help!!
Penelopeia so wat did u do? did u abort the pregnancy or kept it?
Yes, I did.
Wer was condom wen u gals r so hyper? plus wer were u wen de sperm was kaming? duh! hahahahahahaha, Akosua and Penelopeia wat u gals r saying myt be ur serious issues buh sounds funny to me, buh if i may ask wer r ur mothers? At least consult ur mums or sumtin of a sort. Dis situation is kinna hard buh u also ave a say in it, do u wan de child or not? r u ready to kill an unborn baby to save a growth ass man? I beg you ave a choice so wer do u gals stand?
@shika are you actually okay by making that comment as a girl
wat did i even say?
@shika I am only teasing you don’t take it too serious my girl
hahahahahahaha u wer rada reading it serious looool.hmm I saw u preaching earlier on
@shika hahaha I’m not a preacher my dear I just speak my mind and what the bible says its about time some girls step up their game
Sad situations to be in, but come on ladies you should never ever agree to have a baby for a guy before he puts a ring on your finger. No matter how badly he wants the baby you need to stand on your grounds and tell him straight up, NO RING, NO BABIES! Besides why would any lady want to have a baby with a guy who prefers to send money to his extended family instead of stepping up and becoming a real man and take responsiblitiy of his actions. Please do not abort the pregnancy becaue if you guys end up getting married in the near future and you are unable to get pregnant, the same guy who asked to get an aborption will probably hold it againest you and blame you. There are many single mothers and yes that is not the ideal way to bring up a child, but at least the child gets a chance to live!
Hello….
Firstly i would like to say sorry that you are in the suituation you find yourself in. love makes us women do whatever it takes sometimes to keep a relationship even though we know its not good for us. I was in a relationship such as your’s only worst, mine took my money, used me for whatever he can get and left me with pregnancy. I picked myself up, kept my head high and took on the future. I looked after my daughter, went to university, worked, pay my way through driving school all as a single mother. I had only one inspiration and that was all the bad that happed to me…i used that as my strength, Now my daughter is 6 years old and i am not happily married to a wonderful man who loves my daughter as if she is he’s own.I even added a son to our mix recently. What this goes to show is that what ever happens in life, there is always hope. Push on…don’t be discouraged. If he does’nt want it then that’s his decision, make one for you!
@Dahlia, I’m really proud of you for standing being strong and believing in your self and not given up on live from what you just wrote seems like you been through allot but yet you kept your head high Thumps up its about time that some man act like real man this is so wrong young girls from today need to learn allot and not to rush into things but home girl I’m proud of you