Love & Relationship – Page 29 – GhanaCelebrities.Com

Sacrificing Your Happiness on the Altar for a (Non-existent) Relationship-What a BS!

06/20/2014 2:41 pm

The modern day ‘being in love, in love and falling in love’ is so messed up, sometimes it’s better not to consider it when dealing with people. I can ‘love’ 5 men by just being on my phone for 5 minutes and how the person takes it is somehow not my business – and that is the value of love now.

It all stems from the ‘latest’ style of society these days and in order to be part of the love movement, we sacrifice our happiness on the altar for relationships which sometimes are even non-existent but since someone is telling us they love us, that is all that matters – if the ‘L’ word gives you a sense of belonging or fondness; then you lack ‘self-love’ – and that is what a therapist will tell you (for a fee). A troubled heart is an unhealthy part.

The fact that you are with someone doesn’t mean you have a relationship with the person – think married and living single. A relationship is a woman’s (not all women though) greatest emotional need because it gives her fulfilment and security. Many women see their identity in men and they think until they have a man in their life, they are never complete.

Most think all their problems will be solved when they get married so they develop an extremely high level of tolerance to accept anything in their relationships. If that is/was true, I would have married long ago but marriage doesn’t solve any problem. The only ‘problem’ it (probably) solves is that you’re not single anymore. When they get married, they move from tolerance to endurance which doesn’t give them any fulfilment in their marriage. I will marry to enjoy not to endure…

I don’t know who invented the phrase ‘the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know’ but if you ask me, that phrase has done more harm than good to a whole lot of people. If you’re with a very disrespectful, ill-mannered abusive person and you go by this phrase, you’ve unfortunately taken leave of (some) of your senses because you’re implying that the probability of getting a respectful, decent person is nil so you rather stay with the devil and be depressed.

Will You Marry Me? The Heart Says NO; The Lips Says YES!

06/17/2014 11:00 am

by GC Staff Ob

It seems Africans have embraced the foreign ‘engagement’ these days. When a man proposes to a woman, they say they are engaged unlike the traditional method where bride price changes hands before one can be said to be engaged. Some proposals these days is more of a public affair than a private one and due to the ‘surprise romantic treat’ of being proposed to in front of people you don’t even know from Adam, one sometimes accepts a proposal when he/she never meant to say yes in the first place – sometimes even if you give them a year notice. The lips accept to marry the person but not the heart.

I think most of these ‘public show’ of proposal is to avoid any ‘unforeseen’ circumstances. It might truly be a romantic gesture or in a bid to put the ‘proposee’ in an awkward position when they’re not sure what the outcome will be. It’s not everyone who finds it funny when a surprise springs up from nowhere and has to take a decision there and then, especially if they’ve never thought about marrying the ‘proposer’ in the first place.

Sometimes this ‘engagement’ thing is a clever word that some men use to get a lady (that is choking them with marriage talks) off their back. Otherwise, how do you explain a situation whereby a man and woman are almost enjoying ‘marriage privileges’ (living together etc.) with each other but can’t seem to get themselves to do the real thing ,even when money is not the problem? There are some people who have been ‘fianceeing’ each other for years. While the man insists he is not married, the lady will claim she is married!

THE MORAL MAZE: The ‘NO Sex Before Marriage’ Principle| Where Do You Stand?

06/14/2014 12:12 pm

by Chris-Vincent Agyapong, Founding Editor

Considering the man that I am, I will not subject myself to intolerable torture with unending consequences by even starting a relationship with a woman who dwells within the walls of ‘No Sex (Seks) Before Marriage’.

Interestingly, throughout my dating life, I’ve not met any woman who has thrown this principle as a card on the table—so I guess I am lucky and I know the ones to pick at the party.

I may sound weird but I am the type of man who loves to define everything—right from the beginning. If I want someone as a friend, we stay as friends and I make it clear from the beginning.

If I want a woman for anything more than friendship, I put my cards with their associated terms and conditions on the table—we consider them and if there is a way forward, we give it a go…

I like people (especially women) to be straight with me and therefore, I make sure I am as clear as possible. I do not have enough time to waste on any sort of childish mind games—if we want to knock boots, we decide we want to and if we don’t want to, we should all understand the structure of the enterprise…

The Folly of Judging a Person (Book) By the Cover

06/13/2014 10:57 pm

by Edith Osei Bonsu

Well, we all do it. We can’t help it. We’re predominantly visual creatures. The wrappers in which things come and how people sometimes present themselves not only powerfully affect what interests us but also how we react to the contents we find inside. When we have (or create) a positive or negative emotional reaction to someone upon first meeting them—often due to their overall presentation, it affects our reaction to the “content” we find inside.

We all carry around with us conclusions we’ve drawn about other people through which we filter everything they say and do. Certainly over time a person’s actual personality and character alter these conclusions, but even then our conclusions often remain highly biased. Further, we seem to err mostly on the side of overestimation, thinking people are far worse or are far better than they actually are.

Granted, some people are like open books where we can read them and base our judgements on what we read. We can read such people because they give us the permission to do so – how we read and interpret and use the information is entirely up to us.

Are the Bad Girls REALLY Winning? I Don’t Think So…

06/13/2014 6:13 am

by Edith Osei Bonsu

What I’ve realized lately is that many women have bought into the idea (and really believe) that it’s the bad girls finishing first and the good girls finishing last and I don’t know how and where they gathered their data from but one thing is very clear- a good number of women are using that phrase to note why they’re single and some go as far as doing what is ‘unlike’ them to fit into the bill of a ‘bad girl’.

Negative experiences from our past can influence us for the worst and we sometimes use those experiences to “justify” our current status. They refuse to better themselves by learning from their mistakes and life lessons. If in previous relationships they were the ‘cool/classy/reserved’ ones, they turn to ‘naggers and hood thugs’.

Bad girls do win definitely – but in the short run. If you consider receiving primarily sexual attention from men and very little of anything else of substance ‘winning’ and something to envy, then you have a much deeper issue that needs to be addressed. For some (serious minded people), meaningful relationships (like life) are not for the swift.

‘Bad things’ are reserved for some places and moments – to spice things up in relationships so I think it’s better to keep our good values and virtues (intact) and bring out the ‘bad things’ in the privacy of our rooms and not the other way round. Sometimes, by the time a person gets round to knowing your good values, your ‘contract’ has ended.

Dear GC Readers, My Girlfriend Has Had 6 Abortions Already & She Wants Me to Marry Her

06/10/2014 1:01 pm

by Comfort Asante, GC Staff Writer

Last week, I got the shock of my life when I realized my girlfriend with whom I stay with at Portsmouth-UK has been lying to me all this while.

We’ve been together for 1 year now and she got pregnant about 2 months ago. We all agreed that abortion was our best option since she has just started a nursing degree and I am also currently out of work after I was made redundant in December.

When we booked an appointment to see a doctor for the procedure, she insisted she goes alone and did not want me to come with her. On the day of the actual procedure, she was asked to bring someone so I went with her.

Two weeks about the abortion procedure while she had gone to school, a letter came from the first doctor she went to see and I didn’t even know what it was until I opened it. We open one another’s letter as we leave together. Whoever is at home when the post comes does the opening.

In the letter, the health centre had written to telling her to come for a contraceptive they talked about as the number of procedures she has had is far too much, capable of affecting her having babies in the future. And that they will not go ahead of another procedure in the future except after extensive consideration, therefore, her best option is to go for a contraceptive from her GP.

I started shaking after reading the letter because my girlfriend told me this was her first and last abortion.

Finding the ‘Right’ Person At The Wrong Time – To Let Go Or Make the Time Right?

06/5/2014 10:09 pm

by GC Staff GS

A friend (reluctantly) walked out of a 2 year relationship due to ‘bad timing’. After a year of dating, she moved in with the guy. When the issue of ‘when are we getting married’ cropped up, the illegal husband (oh yeah, he’s an illegal husband) said the time is not right for him even though she is the sort of woman he would like to marry. So, if I am to believe his excuse, it was a matter of getting the right person at the wrong time!

Relationships are no doubt beautiful and enjoyable, but when it gets to the complex discussion of taking it to the altar – it suddenly becomes a mystery and a puzzle.

In a hasty conclusion, I would have said Mr Man is/was trying to run or is actually out already (oh yes, you can be with someone who has long left the relationship – except they are there only in flesh). But If I should put my ‘over-thinking’ and ‘over-analysing’ cap on, situations like these do happen; you find the right person you would love to spend your time with but either they came at the wrong time (where you’re not ready for any serious commitment due to certain factors and they are) or you find them when you’ve pledged allegiance to someone who doesn’t come anywhere close to what you seek in a partner but somehow ‘stuck’ yourself there.

When relationships break down, it is because one person wanted something different. Sometimes (most of the time) you cannot hold it against them. As I told my friend, either she waits for his time or starts all over again – you cannot force something to work or force someone to do something against their wish. They may do it to please or appease you, but few months down the line; you’re on your own!

Dear GC Readers, She Cheated With My Friend…And She Wants a THIRD Chance | What Should I Do?

06/5/2014 4:57 pm

by GC Staff bG

Dear GC Readers,

I hope to get some good advice from my fellow readers of this website as I am totally a confused man and if I dare mention any of this to my friends, I will become a laughing stock. I have learnt my lesson the hard way so with this opportunity of being anonymous, I want to tell my story and wait for the advice I can obtain from other generous readers.

I am 29 year old Ghanaian living in NJ, USA and my girlfriend is 25. I think it is better to refer to her as EX since I’ve not decided on what to do yet.

I caught my girlfriend 2 years ago cheating with her Ex boyfriend who used to beat her and even broke her nose when they were together. It broke my heart then but she pleaded and pleader. Her mother called me from Ghana and all her sisters called to beg. She said it was her first and last so since I loved her, I decided to give her another chance.

Just a year after coming back together and doing everything I can to support her, I pay her phone bills and help with her rent since she does not have a regular job, I found out she has been sleeping with my friend.

Do You Want a Good Man in Bed? Go for Those Who Earn Less Than You…

06/3/2014 9:02 pm

by GC Contributor | Ellen Sackey-Addo Ellen

Personally, I don’t get the connection between earning less than your woman and that making you a buffalo in bed. But a new study says husbands who earn less than their wives are more likely to have good sex lives and happier marriages.

I have dated men who did not have JOBS and they had a lot of energy in bed. For that, I know when I am at work, they were in the gym or sleeping, so they always had some energy to spare at night. But the connection between earning less and having good intimate live is something I cannot really get. Unless, earning less means working less…

According to the research, 56 per cent of men whose wages are lower than their spouses said they had ‘hot’ or ‘very good’ sex.

MailOnline Reports:

Experts said that the findings should spur men to join the campaign for equal pay between the two sexes – because their sex lives could benefit as a result.

Relationships author Jean Hannah Edelstein said: ‘Everyone knows that stress is bad for your sex life.

‘If both partners in a relationship are earning about the same amount of money, then it’s a logical conclusion that stress will be reduced. It makes sense that better sex would follow.

The Reappearing Ex: It’s Not Always About ‘LOVE’ | Exes Are Ex for a Reason!

06/2/2014 6:54 pm

by GC Contributor | Ellen Sackey-Addo Ellen

In some relationships, one person is self-centred and the other is best described as the empathetic one. The self-centered one feels he/she is the other person’s ‘last stop’ so they leave and return at will while the empathetic one is ever ready to allow them into their lives again—and again. Most of the reappearing acts are done because of selfish motives or whether we’re returning because we think there might be a real chance at a lasting “we” this time.

The only genuine and rare reason for an ex to reappear is when he/she feels a loss when the relationship ends. Sometimes, (without really realizing), a woman/man can carve out a perfectly round little space in people’s hearts and lives. They experience a great loss and try as they may to fill that round spot he/she left with the square pegs of another woman/man or other women/men, there’s always a certain amount of emptiness that remains. And then they decide to give it another go. All they can do is reappear and hope their spot is still reserved.

Most exes re-appear not because they are in love but because they are addicted to it. They are not comfortable being alone – they love fantasy more than reality. They cannot ‘afford’ to be single for even a month (or less) – they are in love with the idea of (being in) love (someone should be in their life as a sort of validation); so if the other person is still single, they get back together (for now) and when another comes along, they leave. Fortunately for them, the other is ever waiting with open arms. They go and come at will.

Attention Ladies: Not All Men Are the Same….BUT

06/2/2014 11:41 am

by GC Contributor | Ellen Sackey-Addo Ellen

‘Men are greedy, selfish, hard hearted…’ is a simple memory verse you’ll hear from a scorned woman, a woman in a good relationship and a young lady who has not even started the dating journey yet. Women lump men together with the same brush and at the same time be on a hunting journey for a husband – the same greedy selfish men! The generalization of men being the same curtails the success of getting a husband (even if he is a good one, a quarrel will earn him the stereotypical name).

Usually when a woman says “All Men are the same” what that means is “I only date one type of man: a cheater/a jerk/a whimp/a moron/etc.” It’s basically just easier to say that than to own up to your own faults for going for the wrong type. They take so long to choose one because they feel they MUST choose one and the choices they have are limited of their own volition.

Not all men are the same. There are nicely dressed, good –looking and well-spoken men but have rotten heads and there are others we’ll call the ordinary looking men who are not brute, abusive, genuinely seeking for ‘a help mate’ to love and cherish.

The problem with majority of women is their inability to make up their minds. They don’t know what they want. Take a lady to a ‘husband’ store and she will be looking for a God fearing man who is very handsome, very rich/ with very good job. He should also not be a King Solomon type (a womanizer who cannot even remember the names of his women) and on top of all that – should be willing to give in to all her whims and caprices. By the time she decides to choose one, the store will be empty and she’ll come out empty handed.

Getting ‘High’ On Desperation – It’s A Killer Drug

06/1/2014 11:52 pm

by GC Contributor | Ellen Sackey-Addo Ellen

Desperate times calls for desperate measures …. So goes the ‘suicide’ statement. Desperation pushes people to do the unthinkable. When desperate for the latest ‘thing’ in town – you either steal or lie to get it therefore you lose the trust of people or put a big question mark on your integrity.

Desperation becomes extremely dangerous when ‘your eye red’ for something and until you get it, manipulations and sometimes acts of wickedness sets in. We get high on it and when we finally get what we want, we just drop it because we really didn’t ‘need’ or were not ready for what we were desperately seeking for in the first place. If you also succumb to the desperate ways of someone, you also burn in the process.

What I see in people (clamouring for marriage) these days is actually desperation and not readiness for marriage per se. They start acting out of the ordinary. They ‘borrow’ some virtues which were never found/seen in them initially. It’s not that they changed to become the ‘desirable person’ he/she wanted now, but they need those ‘virtues’ for a purpose and when it’s done, they give it back (like borrowing a book and returning it). When a person shows/tells you who they are the first time, believe them because that is who/what they are, anything else you see when they start mounting pressure on you for one thing or the other is ‘acquired’ which is easily disposed.

When someone says ‘I don’t know how I ended up with her/him’, you know desperation was the determining factor and the foundation on which the marriage was ‘formed’. It was a fleeting moment of self-gratification – the foundation was faulty, so the whole building came crashing down; severely non-repairable. Those who are ready for any worthwhile venture (in life) understand the importance of taking every day as it comes; they are people who move/moved into a new phase with ease without being pressured, cajoled or pressing on someone to do what they’re not ready for.

That is one main reason I don’t advocate for long period of courtship/dating, the longer it takes, the more it makes one person extremely desperate for the relationship to move further than what they want or where they are. They don’t even think through if they really want to be with the person – long term. Desperation does not mean readiness or someone desperately wanting you does not mean they’re crazily in love/love you too much.

You’re Not Duty Bound Therefore You’re Not Owed

05/22/2014 7:26 pm

by GC Staff bG

There are some people who talk to and treat others mostly in crappy ways but they never for once think ‘what if the shoe is put on the other foot’ i.e. if I am at the receiving end of what I am doing or saying to this person’… Unfortunately, we’ve all been there, done that/received that; but truthfully, nobody owes us, neither is anyone duty bound to be nice to us. When relationships end, do people owe us for what we did for them ‘willingly?’ If you say love is sacrificial, how can you have returns?

Many of us carry the belief that if we love someone, it entitles us to their reciprocation, especially in situations where our lack of boundaries is causing us to effectively punch below our weight with someone who doesn’t treat and regard us as the worthwhile and valuable person that we are. We spend our time being and doing the things that we feel constitute a good person/boyfriend/girlfriend even if some of those things involve us not having boundaries, pretending to love/like what they enjoy doing (denying ourselves outright) and then we feel cheated that we’ve gone to these lengths and that people haven’t reciprocated to the same degree.

For instance, when you are a ‘people pleaser’, there is at the bare minimum, an underlying expectation that in exchange for suppressing ourselves and catering to other people’s needs, expectations and wishes, that in turn, we will receive validation, attention, love etc., or we’ll at the very least minimize conflict, criticism, disappointment, and rejection. What intrigues me actually is how we (try to) please people we’re really not into (or like that much) and mess up with people we really do like?

Tell Yourself the Truth…And It Shall Be Well With You!

05/22/2014 9:47 am

by GC Staff bG

It is no surprise that most of us live our lives without being completely honest with ourselves. We often try to hide who we truly are by trying to be normal, fit in with the crowd and self-sabotage ourselves through addictions and other behaviours that don’t get us what we truly want. To be honest with others about who we are and what we want, we must first be honest with ourselves. Saying yes to everything to everyone even though you sometimes feel like (want to) saying no is part of being dishonest with yourself. When you’re doing something for someone and complaining/grunting/moaning about it, there’s no happiness in what you’re doing for the person.

Being in relationships we REALLY don’t want to be or we’re very much aware (sometimes in deed/words) the other person is taking us nowhere is another way we blatantly lie to ourselves. Some of us ladies tend to lie to ourselves so much it becomes part of us. After years of courting/dating, when a lady is not getting the response she expects from the guy when the issue of marriage is mentioned, I think she should start advising herself with the truth. When a guy keeps giving excuses here and there, chances are – you’re not his type for marriage.

If he thinks you have that something unique which he’s looking out for in a life partner, he’s definitely not going to give all the excuses in the world if he doesn’t want to lose the rare gem that you are. Don’t deceive yourself by making excuses for him and stay there for years on end; whiles he is searching (without your knowledge). Sometimes after getting tired of searching, in rare circumstances, he decides to make do with you because you are available. What he thought you lacked in the first place still holds – if you are what he is looking for, he won’t overlook and search in the first place. Tell yourself the truth. Nobody strings anybody along – it takes two to tango. Have enough self-respect and tell yourself ‘I’m not getting what I want and I don’t want to/ won’t be able to settle’.

To Tie the Knot Or Not?

05/17/2014 5:34 pm

by Comfort Asante, GC Staff Writer

Do you know that the young people running out of marriages now are the ones who really had no business being married in the first place?

They run out due to ‘trivial’ things which they could have otherwise avoided. Explaining what trivial means in this context – they are things which they found trivial during courtship/dating but use it as the unmovable mountain in the marriages to ‘break’ free. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions to take in life, so think if you want to tie the knot or not. Money causes friction in many marriages but it’s not the only suspect…

Some parents either interfere or intervene when their children bring their choice of partners home. They interfere (become a stumbling block) on the basis of faith, class, culture (tribe) and other unimportant issues. Others intervene (to avoid future problems) because they don’t want their children to end up with ‘suffering and heartache’ in the form of a human.

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