Love & Relationship – Page 31 – GhanaCelebrities.Com

READERS’ MAIL: Why Are So Many Black Women SINGLE?

03/29/2014 2:58 pm

by Chris-Vincent Agyapong, Founding Editor

I am a black woman in my mid 30’s and until 3 months ago, I was not part of the SINGLE and sometimes desperate clan and I didn’t think I was going to be back into that pool. I thought I had found the man of my dream and kept waiting for the day he was going to ask the all-important relationship question; would you married me.

But after two years of doing all I can to support him, the question never came and a mistake I made which I regret most pushed him to end everything we had and shared.

Now that I am back into the pool of single black women, I have started paying more attention to those around me and have realized that, almost all my black female friends are single with two of them being single mothers.

THE BIG QUESTION: Ladies, Will You Agree If Your Hubby-To-Be Insists On Marrying In Secret?

03/27/2014 12:32 pm

by GC Staff bG

As Ghanaians, so many things seem foreign to us (when the situation fits). We have occasions where relatives as well as friends living far and near are supposed to register their presence to make the occasion grand (unless you’re living abroad), notable among them are marriages and deaths.

When a man is insists (not proposing) on marrying secretly, it puts a question mark on the marriage and the credibility of the person. It makes matters worse when the man is not giving any tangible reason as why he ‘doesn’t want people in our business’. It becomes more confusing if the man is swearing heaven and earth that he’s not married (already). So why does he want marry in secret?

If he’s worried about money issues (which is not an excuse anyway), who says it’s compulsory to spend big on marriage. They can even marry and feed the guest with chicken drumstick and a can of coke as far as they’re surrounded with well-wishers and their loved ones. On a lighter note, the man is not even a celebrity who wants to swerve the media. At least, when the woman is told what’s up, she will/may see reason, but if anything at all…..

Or it’s an issue of bitter exes who feels cheated because they have been overlooked and he fears they may (will) cause confusion and disrupt the marriage? That should not be a hindrance to a lady’s happiness. If a boy lived carelessly and thought he was living the good life amassing women and maybe recklessly promising them marriage to keep them exactly where he wants them, why should an innocent woman suffer for someone else’s action?

Does Love REALLY Conquer All Things….?

03/25/2014 11:24 am

by GC Staff Yaa

‘I thought love will conquer her ways…but alas’ – it’s very easy to have that mentality but it’s only in novels and movies that love always wins. People throw the ‘love conquers all’ memory verse ignoring the reality that opposing values, faith, or priorities can often put a serious strain on relationships, which love just can’t overcome or conquer…considering what love means to an individual.

Many couples/partners believe in their heart of hearts that if there’s enough love between them, all problems will be conquered. But this wishful thinking often leads to heartbreak. Some people use that as an aid to help them forgive people who have wronged them – but what if the person keeps doing the same thing over and over? I think love is much more of paying lip-service than really being in love and some think it’s polite to say ‘I love you back’ to someone.

Abusive relationships in any forms: physical, mental, sexual, psychological, financial and in some cases persistent cheating. Every rough patch in a relationship has its circumstances, but to be constantly battered by a ‘loved one’ on a regular basis is not love, and no amount of love or wanting will ever change that. In fact to overlook such behaviours in relationship into marriages in the vague hope that one day things would be rosy and perfect would indeed be naive and foolish, regardless of how ‘perfect’ you may think things are.

Satisfaction Not Guaranteed: It’s Not About Physical Beauty, Brains Or Personality!

03/24/2014 2:56 pm

by Edith Osei Bonsu

Often hear people say – ’I prefer brains to looks’ and others will argue that because they’re not blessed with good looks, they prefer someone with good looks to give them beautiful children. ‘Ideally’, one would say brains should have prominence over beauty. Even with a person’s personality, you know a person before their personality unfolds and what draws you to the person in the first place?

Someone would prefer having beautiful and good looking appearance and feel they are very lucky (and truthfully, they’re lucky), because one is attracted easily to beautiful things. On the other hand, someone would prefer having brains. Majority of people also believe that what one lacks in ‘brains’ is compensated for in looks and vice versa, so bottom line is, one cannot have it all (I believe they’re the people who don’t go out and interact with people enough). Are we ever satisfied with chasing brains, the aesthetics or people’s personality?

In this day and age, girls/boys are dressing provocatively, videotaping themselves and taking semi-nude photos to the opposite sex for favours because that is what is taking them ‘far’. How then can brains be more prominent these days? A man in a position like that will lose half of his possessions before inviting his brains into the picture. People associate success with someone perceived to be ‘brainy’, but commonly, many people are successful not because of their brains, rather because of what they possess – physically.

Why Should a Good or Bad Marriage Be the Doing of the WOMAN?

03/21/2014 7:14 pm

by GC Staff Sw

Why should a good/bad marriage be the doing of a woman? Sometimes, I always ask myself….what if women stopped going according to ‘how to keep a man’/’how to grab a man’/how to spice up your love life/ how to…/how to…., how will relationships/marriages work?

The only talks we see everywhere is how women should be better wives and build homes, how to please their husbands, knowing what men want, how a single woman should position herself to be found by a husband etc. No wonder we have an increasingly growing generation of men who have become absentee fathers, homes where women are the bread winners, wife batterers, chronic serial cheats/adulterers and most importantly men who have relegated their headship roles to the wives to bear the enormous responsibility all alone.

Why must relationships be all about feeding a man’s ego? When are the men going to sit up and learn how to keep their marriage?

To some men, the only time a marriage is a partnership is when money is involved. Paying of bills is the only 50:50 they know…The rest is you, yourself and you. Less is said about the roles men should play in loving their wives and their input to make marriage successful.

Everything the man does and every shortcoming or failures he has in the marriage is laid at the feet of the wife. A lot of women are burning and hurting under the pressure of having to keep their homes physically, emotionally while at the same time struggling to endure infidelity which has now seemingly become the birth right of the male gender and now more increasingly financially.

How many programmes are organized for men alone to teach them how to treat their wives? Whilst a mother is telling her son to marry a respectful girl, she should also tell him to respect his wife. Respect is earned, it is not commanded. When advising her son to go for a good homemaker, she should as well teach him that there are some days a woman needs to be relieved of her duty … that is how it works!

When Relationships Become Parasitic

03/20/2014 6:23 pm

by GC Staff Tisha

We are in an era where selfishness reigns supreme. One can conveniently say he/she is in a happy relationship but in reality, is in a parasitic one where he/she is hurting at the expense of the other. Think about mosquitoes always biting/draining/sending you off to the hospital and the mosquitoes keep growing fatter and fatter – that is how parasitic relationships work. Some people don’t detect they’re in such relationships until it’s too late and some are fully aware of what they’re into but cannot be bothered to deal with it because they don’t want to go back to the single life again.

One can be in a parasitic relationship without knowing because of how the ‘parasite’ in the relationship operates. A parasitic boy/girl does not feed on money or resources but time, psychological, emotionally – in short, they just drain you of your wellbeing.

Every relationship should be mutually beneficial – substantially…not a worthless one. Many people who act as parasites are oftentimes not even aware of what they’re doing. A person who does not take responsibility for his/her action, likes playing blame games or just lack empathy are sometimes parasitic – they believe that people are sources of resources rather than emotional beings that deserve time, love and support.

They become experts at using people around them, and then discarding them when their usefulness has been depleted. They mistake people’s gentility for stupidity. A parasitic relationship is a harmful relationship for the host. Therefore, it is important to identify it early, so further damage can be forestalled.

People who love each other give more than they take. As a relationship is formed or continued, both individuals gain more trust, reliability and insight into each other’s needs. Although no one can meet every need the other may have, they do their best to be considerate, understanding and helpful but when it’s coming from one person all the time; it’s not a give and take situation anymore.

MUST READ: What Makes a Successful Marriage?

03/16/2014 10:04 am

by Sassy Chic

What makes marriage a successful one? I had an invite to a silver wedding anniversary (25 years of marriage) from a former child care provider who took care of my child after maternity leave. She used the opportunity to advise the not-yet-married and the married as to how to make a marriage a successful one as well as to run a happy home. I found it interesting so decided to share …a recap:

Don’t feed people with the little money you have to start life with (no elaborate weddings if you cannot afford it).

Marriage is hard work. If you just trap a man with your body, he will go one day because more pretty girls are becoming adults on a daily basis. Let men fall for your personality and not want you can do in bed with/to them.

You’ll offend/be offended, angered/annoyed – patience and forgiveness are very essential

Value your marriages/relationships. You nurture what you value. It’s only lazy people who say marriage is a prison

When you want to settle, don’t settle for/with people with ‘shifty’ minds – their mind shifts to anything which catches their fancy. Anything and everything entices them. Their preferences always change. They always think they can/could have done better when they’re married.

Don’t marry because you need someone around you and to make the house warm – marry because you want to make a home. A guy/girl who has a different boyfriend/girlfriend for different purposes: show-off/ sex friend/advisor/financier/cook/cleaner etc. is one to marry at your own risk. They are never satisfied in life. They usually don’t change after marriage. The only difference between them and a polygamous home is all the ‘spouses’ are not staying under one roof.

Take care of yourself and still be desirable to your spouse. Don’t let your ‘self’ and your marriage go by ignoring your body because you’re married.

MUST READ: How Healthy/Toxic Is Your Relationship?

03/13/2014 9:52 pm

by GC Staff Yaa

There could be different definitions or assumptions of what a healthy relationship is. Good health in its general sense is often attributed to a healthy body and a sound mind. It will therefore not be strange to ask if your relationship as an important area of your life is sound enough to bring you comfort and satisfaction. Relationships are hard, but so is life and every relationship is unique and dynamic with its challenges peculiar to their nature, structure and the people involved. Passionate/romantic love relationships are fleeting.

We experienced the “high” of a new relationship, and desperately cling to it when it seems to fade away. And except in rare partnerships, it does fade…or rather change. Fading passion in any relationship (short of abusive ones) can be regained when it is worked on.

Sometimes, moving onto the next partner isn’t any more likely to be better the next time around as it’s almost certain one will fall back on old patterns and the cycle begins -wild passion, sex, and initial crazy bonding pass… and it will pass.

What a healthy or toxic relationship is will differ from person to person. There are things people would enjoy and celebrate if done with and for them. These include the way they are treated, respected, valued and presented in public places and that to them makes their relationship a healthy one; anything apart from these makes their relationship a toxic one.

A healthy relationship should be devoid of blackmails, emotional abuse and threatening behaviour (more like trying to hold the relationship hostage). When one person is always threatening the commitment of the relationship when he/she is ‘constructively’ criticised, it creates unnecessary drama. ‘I’ll kill myself if you leave me’…if the person really wanted to die, they won’t communicate their intention in the first place. It doesn’t help in any way.

It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. If one cannot communicate what he/she feels because of the fear of losing the relationship, the only thing it breeds is resentment. When he/she cannot bottle it up anymore, they pack and go (when the blackmailer was not expecting it).

On The Hunt For ‘Mr Right’ – Getting Your Priorities Right

03/8/2014 6:04 pm

by Sassy Chic

The modern love has two phases; the quick love and the genuine love. When some ladies meet a man riding a car, they quickly fall in love with him. If you love someone, you don’t mind sleeping in a gutter with them (literally) because you know where you’re sleeping now is a starting point in your marital journey but with my new generation sisters, that is a no no. Some ladies went on a hunt for Mr Right and ended up in the ‘Husbandless Union’.

And if you are wondering what happened; either they were hunting in the wrong forest or they were hunting during the wrong season – they did not get their priorities right in the search for their Mr Right. Tell a lady who is attending every single mingle/single summit a nice gentleman is ‘interested’ to meet up with her and the first question she will ask is ‘has he got a car?’/I prefer men who dress nicely in suit in a tie’… Like…what the heck…Is he going for an Annual General Meeting? Is that what they’re taught at that single summit they never miss in their life? What a very myopic way of choosing a Mr Right.

Why ask for things and most of the time, the things some of these women expect the guys to own are things they don’t even have themselves (that is the irritating bit). If in your late 30s to early 40s and you’re still on the lookout for a car owner, you need deliverance, a big one.

‘Love’ Over: Fight Or Flight?

03/2/2014 8:20 am

by GC Staff bG

We’ve all been through relationships and breakups. It’s a part of life. Unless you married the first girl/guy you met and ‘fell in love’ with, most of us will have more failed relationships than successful ones. When relationships end, the fight or flight instinct becomes an automatic reaction especially if the other person did … Read more

Being The Other Child: Why Having Children Outside Wedlock Does Not Pay

02/28/2014 1:34 pm

by GC Staff Yaa

It is not uncommon to see a lot of married men in Ghana having relationships outside marriage, most times leading to ‘illegitimate’ children. These men have numerous and different reasons why they decide to go outside their marriages. Whilst some men may have gone out because the women they married could not bear children, there are others who despite having children with their wives, still go outside the marriage to engage in illicit affairs.

These children, through no fault of theirs grow up facing a lot of challenges. Often times, the men may never marry their mothers thus robbing them the opportunity of growing up in a well functioning family unit.

A friend of mine who was the ‘other child’ recounts how growing up she could only see her father once a week, sometimes not seeing him for up to a month. She didn’t make much of this and thought it was normal until she noticed that all her other friends were actually living with two parents. She does not have a close relationship with her father now that she is all grown up because he missed a great part of her childhood.

Where Are All The ‘Good’ Men?

02/22/2014 3:01 pm

by GC Staff Sw

…..Right under your nose; that is where all the good men are!! Good men are all around you but they’re hiding in the same room as you. You may consider yourself a good woman; you may even consider yourself a bad girl. I just think that most times when women say they can’t find a good man, it’s indicative of the fact that they’ve already shown the good men they aren’t worth their time. Some are not ready to get off their high horses and realise that the world does not revolve around them.

Some ladies complain about the ‘bad girls’ getting all the ‘will you marry me’ vibes so what I have noticed with some is they try their very best to pull the ‘bad girl’ look and attitude to get the men BUT it is not every man who prides himself with marrying a bad girl and some of these ‘play acting bad girls’ are losing men – and I mean good men.. The truth of the matter is (or my truth is) that good men aren’t attracted to bad women when they intend to settle down. If they’re looking for bed mates and all, yeah, the ‘bad girls’ fit in perfectly for that purpose.

It is not only ladies who act the bad girls they’re not; some men do the same. They have this general assertion that women like ‘stupid/players/jerk’ and any lady they come across, they want to act, talk and behave like one and they’re not even ‘wired’ that way. Even if the majority supposedly carries the vote, remember there is always a minority who don’t see life in black and white. Acting bad or ‘stupid’ is also pretending because a good person will not pretend (you have to be good to expect good). Allow the bad/stupid lovers to pick what they prefer and the ‘down to earth’ ones to choose what they desire.

FOR THE LADIES: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

02/17/2014 5:25 pm

by GC Staff Sw

I have a lady friend who is in her later 30s. She is still single and searching for the “right” man to marry. She recently told me about her involvement in a singles group on facebook. The group is a blind date page where single ones are expected to meet their life partners.

All time that I have been friends with her (3 years now), one thing I’ve noticed about my friend is that she is very desperate for a husband. She told me about a man whom she had found on facebook who lives in the states. I advised her about the dangers of blind date (although she is far older than me, she confides in me a lot).

I asked her these questions afterwards. How does he feel about you? Does he like you? What are the chances of a relationship with him?

I continued by asking her these questions. How do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you enjoy spending time with yourself? If you don’t, why would you expect anyone else to?

This is a person who needs a man and yet doesn’t enjoy spending time with herself. This means she doesn’t feel complete without another person in her life. Her life is dependent on another person.

‘Let’s Take A Break’ = Prelude To Moving On

02/12/2014 4:18 pm

by GC Contributor | Ellen Sackey-Addo Ellen

Relationships can sometimes suffocate. When feelings start wearing off, boredom sets in or one begins to feel he/she needs a major overhaul. During that period is when some partners decide to take a step back to re-evaluate the relationship by spending some time apart. Spending time apart is not necessarily a bad thing, but alarm bells definitely starts ringing when the time spent apart gets unnecessarily longer than normal. It’s a step which makes or breaks a relationship.

‘Let’s take a break’ from a relationship of 4 months or less is one not to invest heart and energy into. Don’t keep your fingers crossed. It was a testing mic period. The person more or less is ‘trying’ to tell you ‘I didn’t see clearly, we’re done, so therefore, go hit up whoever you need to, you’re no longer my concern’ – That kind of break. If you’re dealing with a ‘comedian’, he/she will initiate a ‘let’s be apart to see if we want this relationship to work out’. For this kind of short-term relationships, I don’t think one need to even waste their time dreaming up a way to do a runner, just go.

I personally think taking a little break (a week or two maximum) can be seen as a rejuvenation of the relationship, so partners return to each other stronger and healthier. It actually help clear the confusions and frustrations internally (if any), and help both of you focus on your own faults and desires in the relationship. At their best, breaks allow couples to realize how special what they have really is, but more often than not, couples use them to avoid problems that needs solving or they are fed up solving the same problems over and over again. Whatever issues couples have won’t be solved by being apart for months on end. If you can’t address or work through your issues – move on!!

Find Out Here If Your Boyfriend Serious About You

02/11/2014 6:04 pm

by GC Contributor | Ellen Sackey-Addo Ellen

According to a research by Monarch Airlines, if your boyfriend is doing most of the top 50 things below, then he is serious about you and the relationship.

The research claims that, planning a holiday, driving each others’ cars and having a key to your partner’s flat, meeting his parents and him saying ‘I love you’ are all signs that the relationship has gotten serious…

To establish this, 2,000 people were asked to reveal the top 50 things which indicate a couple are past the ‘seeing each other’ phase.

Now, be bold and check below to see if your boyfriend is really serious about…

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