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Love & Relationship

MUST READ: Irresponsibility, Poor Choices and Shifting Blame

05/9/2014 1:58 pm
by

Black couple

 

The human nature hates to be blamed or be told off. In today’s world, taking responsibility and being responsible is not very ‘appropriate’ to many. We opt for very poor choices in life, love and marriage and if things don’t go our way; we look for someone to blame. The economy which has failed us, our parents who didn’t do much to make life comfortable in our adult life and the spouse who didn’t tell us he/she has got a ‘beasty’ side. We always blame others for our shortcomings. Whilst some will not blame others, they will make excuses…

Blaming others for a mishap is a short route of escape for the feeble minded (and I unfortunately learnt that too late in life). Proud people are flabbergasted by the fact that they’ve made a mistake and thus would want to push it to others. They are too ‘important’ or too ‘brilliant/smart’ so they do all within their power to apportion the blame to the next available space. You cannot be too smart to ‘dodge’ the consequences of an irresponsible behaviour – you sink deeper in the mess and blaming another is not smart either.

What we experience in life, what we see others go through (good or bad) and the problems we assist people to solve should one way or the other have an impact our lives and in our future. If you come from a chaotic home where chaos was the order of the day; you either choose chaos or calmness in your adult life. After living with students and seeing how they struggled with school, money and work (not because their parents failed them but….); I made a vow to myself that my children will not go through the same thing (unless it’s beyond my control).

When your partner/spouse is a blame shifter, it puts so much stress on the relationship.They always would want to attribute failure to what others did or did not do. There is never a mention of their part in the situation at all; they make others the weak link of every breakage. Our choice of words and how we sometimes throw words about is very important. What sparks fire is the use of words and words that can extinguish the fire. Little things can turn to a big fight because of what was said, how it’s said and when it was said. Taking responsibility by accepting you are at fault.

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DID YOU KNOW THAT: Women Are More Likely to Cheat on Their Husbands If Their Mothers Were Unfaithful?

05/6/2014 2:43 pm
by

Cheating

 

This is definitely the case of like mother like daughter—but the only difference is that, a research has been carried to establish that, indeed this is true…

A research by Illicit Encounters says seven out of ten women who cheat on their husbands have mothers who were unfaithful too. So cheating does run in a family…

line

According to DailyMail;

Many women feel their mother’s infidelity gives them ‘permission’ to cheat – and they consequently take their marriage vows less seriously.

Men are also more likely to stray if their fathers were philanderers – but not to the same extent as women.

Just 54 per cent of unfaithful men said that cheating ran in the male half of the family.

The results were revealed in a new poll of 2,000 people who have had affairs by Illicit Encounters, Britain’s biggest extra-marital dating site.

The poll found that 73 per cent of women who cheated on their partners had mothers who had done the same.

And 62 per cent of those female cheats said their mother’s infidelity had made it more likely that they would stray, too.

Adulteresses feared a backlash from their parents over an affair far less than the offspring of couples who had remained faithful.

Just 22 per cent of female cheats said their mother’s disapproval would make them give up an affair – compared to 42 per cent for those whose mothers were faithful.

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Attention Men: Not ALL Women Are the SAME

05/5/2014 8:06 pm
by

black_women_shopping

 

Ever heard some ‘classic’ comments from some men as ‘….If it had been another woman, she will be gleaming with pride right now….’, ‘Is that not what you women like’, ‘women want men to buy them groceries…’, ‘buy her a weave and you’re set to go’ and so on and so forth.

Some men have written their own ‘what EVERY woman love 101’ because to them every woman is the same. Every woman they relate with they treat them the same because that is how they also go about their ‘relationships’ and in their journey so far, they haven’t or yet to meet one that is different – but what they do forget is that every woman is an individual and must be treated as such – individually. Same goes with women towards men (that is for another day). I suppose on some level it’s something to do with not understanding enough and making rash assumptions—-and we don’t even have that time to learn who people are.

When you look at ‘all women are the same’ generalization, most of the time, it doesn’t work in the men’s favour because you’re trying to please someone who it doesn’t even take much to please. If a man thinks ALL women like designer stuff, shopping etc. and that is the main reason why women go after men; if you a guy who can barely afford high street and you decide to use all your life savings to buy a designer bag for a woman because of the above assumption, hmm, some wires need checking. Who will refuse a good designer bag when offered? I won’t even if I know you paid with your last dime. After all, I’m a woman and I’m ALL……

We are women, yes, but we are individuals; we are not all the same. What will trigger my madness will trigger a laugh from someone, what another woman will call the biggest treat may be nothing to me because anything I can comfortably afford myself is not the ‘biggest’ treat and what I’ll call splendid, another will say it’s OK. We have different traits, different upbringing, different way of carrying ourselves and different ways of how we value life and ‘things’, not forgetting how we manage our individual lives. You can’t brush every woman with the same brush.

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YES! You Can Do Better Than Your Ex

05/3/2014 8:34 pm
by

angry-black-woman

 

Some people come out of relationships and ‘box’ themselves up because they feel/think they cannot do better than their ex. They form a strong bond (in their mind) with the ex so much so that it’s like their every breath depends on them. They shy away from new relationships because the new cannot be as good as the old – but truth is you can never really allow yourself to think that you can’t do better.

You have to have the power to think that if that last option was the very best that you could do then you probably would be with them. The fear of not doing better than the ex is one of many reasons some people are sticking to the single life (a fact they always deny).

There are (very) few circumstances when people break up for no reason (you know that fed up season almost relationships go through) and even when that happens, it is a clear sign that you didn’t have the stamina to see it through. In those dark moments when you find clarity, you also find acceptance. Part of acceptance is accepting that things are what they are and there’s nothing you can do to about that now.

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A Great Boyfriend/Girlfriend Does Not Make A Good Wife/Husband…FACT!

05/1/2014 7:43 pm
by

Black couple

 

I often wonder how a guy/girl will be with someone for a very long time, they break-up and one marries another after a short period of dating (courting). I asked myself what he/she was ‘looking out for’ in the other person for so long and didn’t find it but quickly found it in another for half the period of time (he/she was with the other) with the now husband/wife…Then I got to know one thing…A good boyfriend/girlfriend does not necessarily mean he/she will be a good husband/wife.

When you meet someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, you don’t only look at what they are or what they’re doing today, but how their way of life is likely to turn out in the future. That’s what draws the line between the good boyfriend/girlfriend and the good husband/wife. We don’t concern ourselves about what potentially good husbands/wives do in the future but what they’re doing now. Sometimes (or all of the time), tomorrow does not take care of itself you know, we have to take care of it (even though it’s unseen).

It’s not to say that (all) girlfriends/boyfriends cannot be a good wives/husbands or we should be looking for potential husbands/wives in people we want to have a relationship with, but I believe that when we get to a certain age (if you intend to marry), you should be on the lookout for one who also wants the same thing as you. If it doesn’t work out that way or to the stage you wanted it to, at least you leave with something – a lesson!

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THE BIG QUESTION: Broke Men Don’t Cheat?

04/26/2014 7:52 pm
by

black woman

 

A lot of men cheat, that is common knowledge. Although we know women also cheat but that is on a lower scale than men and besides, men flaunt it more and make it cause too much drama.

Over the years, women have been racking their minds to find out just why men cheat so they can stop it and put an end to one of their main sources of heartbreak but to no avail. Since most women discuss their heartbreak with each other, I sat down with some female friends this week to discuss cheating boyfriends. But it just took a funny turn from tears to an interesting debate.

My girl has dated a man for eight good years and we were all jealous of her relationship because her boyfriend seemed to have it all. Tall, handsome, a rich doctor with a huge house and a good background who happened to also be an American living in Ghana… Then they broke up out of the blue. My friend insists he was a serial cheat. A professional player who was cheating on her with dozens of women and even went to the extent of beating her up. That was the final straw that made her walk out of the relationship.

I was mortified. The man looked like perfection, how did he wind up being the worse thing to ever happen to her? What exactly do men want to stop them from cheating on a good, successful woman?

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Would You Pay Everything for A Man to WED You? | The Tiwa Savage Rumour as a Case Study!

04/25/2014 12:17 pm
by

tiwa-savage-and-tee-billz

 

Nigerian musician-Tiwa Savage and her fiancé- Tee Billz who doubles as her manager will hold a white wedding in Dubai tomorrow—and the industry rumour is that, Tiwa Savage is paying for the entire wedding, including what both of them will wear.

Probably, the fact that Tiwa Savage is doing great with her musical career (bringing in a lot of cash from endorsement deals) while the ‘husband to be’ is not known for the same has given some sort of grounds to the rumour that Tiwa Savage is taking care of all the bills. Interestingly, the man’s industry name is Billz…

Though we will never know for sure who paid for what, unless they decide to tell us in the future, let’s take the discussion from the rumour corner to a well thought-of place—our own lives.

I am a woman who is ever ready to support my partner, especially the man who will treat me well and would have the intention to make me his forever—as long as I am the one and only. And by support, I mean financially, emotionally and anywhere I can be of assistance.

Take not of the fact that I said, it is support I will give out and not carry the whole burden of a relationship and the wellbeing of that relationship on my head—including the cost of a wedding.

When two people decide to do something, there must be equal chip-ins, if that can be done. However, if one is blessed with more than the other, nothing spoils the fun for the blessed one to take up more of the load—and that just as far as I will go.

Tiwa’s situation is an internet gossip and we cannot jump on that to make a substantive case but I know of two people in real life who literally bought MEN with their money, and paid for the wedding—including the ring and even the boxer shorts these men wore.

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Dear GC Readers, Should I Mention on My First Date That I’ve Been Out of Job for About Two Years Now?

04/19/2014 5:57 pm
by

black woman

 

Dear GC Readers,

I have had to big problems for some years now and when it seems like one is about to be solved, the other is becoming an obstacle.

First of all, I am a single mother who has been single for many years now, though I have had some short relationships which did not work.

About two years about, I lost my job when the company I worked for had to be shut down and since then, I have been moving from one interview room to another, still searching for a decent job.

When it comes to money, I am not that tight—at least for now since I was given some money when I was made redundant.

About a month ago, I met a handsome gentleman at church and we’ve kept in touch. He knows of my daughter and has expressed interest in me and I like him too.

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Love is Costly—But It is Surely Worth It!

04/17/2014 11:04 am
by

love

 

The world is full of bargain hunters. Among these are ever so many who hope to get something for nothing. But more often than not they get disappointed. This applies not only to material things but also to intangibles, such as love and affection.

The underlying sentiment of a majority of the modern-day love songs is that love is both pleasurable and free. Of course, what is referred to is romantic love or sexual gratification. Little, if anything, is said about love costing something or about one’s being deserving of love.

And so the youth rush into marriage. Or they begin to live together without the benefit of marriage—“free love,” some call it. But sooner or later a large proportion of them separate or get a divorce. Why? Because they were not realistic, not mature enough to be willing to pay what love costs.

The love that is lasting, be it romantic love, love of one’s family or friends, or love based on a sense of duty, invariably costs something—but it is worth it.

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Relationships Have Turned Some Women into Gangsters…Fighting Over Men!

04/12/2014 3:28 pm
by

Angry-Black-Woman

 

The quest to keep the ‘loved one’ close has turned ladies into gangsters – always ready to fight any girl they see around ‘their man’. There are some ladies you cannot enter some restaurants with because they’ve engaged in series of fight out there in the past.

A lady will jump into a cab (if you refuse them a lift) to a guy’s house because another woman is there – why don’t you tie him around your waist…Why stress yourself over somebody?

The adversity women choose to endure in something as optional as relationship baffles me.  If you’re always fighting and warding off women because your guy has got a larger than life appetite for women, you better fasten your seat belt because what you’re seeing is what you’re getting and you can’t be fighting all the days of your life.

A man that wants to be kept will be kept even with very little effort and the one that has his mind set on wandering will, regardless. No matter how long you fight to hold on to something, if it isn’t yours, you will lose it someday. Take a chill pill – the person you’re always fighting for/over may not even be worth it after all.

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Are You Getting Married to Solve All Your Problems?

04/11/2014 3:52 pm
by

Love

 

I have countless friends who have gotten married for genuine reasons. A good number of them also have an outstanding reason and most of those reasons are highly financial.

However, you cannot blame them. There are many women who are conditioned or raised to believe marriage will end a lot of their financial problems or offer them some instant glorious happiness.

So in effect, many young women grow up glorifying marriage in their minds and looking for the quickest opportunity to get married and live that fairy tale life. It does not matter if the man they are marrying is the right man for them, it doesn’t matter if he treats them right or if he is interested in their mutual growth as a facet of society, it doesn’t matter if he will be a good father.

As long as he is marrying them that is all there is to think about. They will marry him! Other important factors will be dealt with latter.

I dare say this is even one of the main reasons why many young marriages are breaking up. Young women have been raised to seek marriage at all cost, forget happiness and personal ambitions, marriage is the ultimate. When she gets married, she has arrived and is above any other young woman who is not married.

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So Near…But the Heart So Far | Something That Looks Like An Apple Can Never Be An Apple

04/10/2014 7:04 pm
by

LoveWhen a lady all of a sudden decides she’s not going through with her engagement (traditional) again because her heart is not with the husband-to-be but with someone else, it raises eyebrows – and it makes the case even worse if she’s been feeling that way since the ‘relationship’ started. It’s a bit pardonable if somewhere along the line, feelings changed but if from the beginning of time … that’s mean.

This makes the saying; ‘the heart is like a baggage everyone carries but it’s only the carrier that knows its content’ so true. Imagine you’re with someone out and about and they’re enjoying themselves but you’re not because you don’t want to be there but you have to mask that as much as possible or you’re lying next to someone, but don’t want to be there and all the while they think you feel the same way. Your heart is with someone else and longing to want to be with them but for whatever reason you can’t have/be with them….yet.

Sometimes it’s an ex or the new guy/girl you met. Some people break up, go into new relationships but their heart is with ex. Some people claim they only realise they love someone when they break up with them so they get back together and things work out perfectly fine. It works out because both of them wanted the same thing but in a case whereby you’re with someone but your heart wants something else or you’re with someone who’s heart is far away from you makes the ‘relationship’ a deceitful one.

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How to Avoid the ‘Pains’ of Flirting

04/5/2014 8:43 pm
by

Flirting

 

To flirt means to behave amorously without serious intent. Most guys and ladies flirt a lot in this our era. What I’ve come to realize is lot of young ones flirt simply to attract attention to themselves or inflate their egos.

Flirting can be very damaging and hurtful. Some flirts break hearts deliberately, even maliciously, resulting in emotional turmoil for one innocent victim after another. Interestingly, though, many offenders act more out of a lack of experience than out of malice. Oftentimes young people simply do not understand how their actions affect the feelings of others. Or they may be led astray by their treacherous hearts and rationalize flirtatious behavior…

Consider the case of two friends of mine. Back in level 100, these two friends of the opposite sex were very close. They did most things together. This made the lady think the guy, who is my close buddy, loves her. One day in class, I remember the lady (we were and still in the same class) came to me and told me how he loves my friend. In effect, she was asking me to be the ‘betweener’ and get my friend to love her or notice that. This guy also had a crush on another lady in the class at the same time. Nevertheless, it was clear that how my friend (guy) related with the lady made her think he was interested in her.

First, one must realize that treating someone as if he/she is interested in a serious relationship when he/she really is not amounts to lying. A flirt lives by a cruel double standard. He/she expects others to be sincere about their intentions toward him/her, but he/she plays by different rules.

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MUST READ: When People Abuse Kindness…

04/2/2014 1:43 pm
by

black woman

 

Some of us were brought up with the value of ‘being kind’ or ‘learn how to share/give’ but unfortunately, it seems some people were brought up with the (dis)value of take, take and take from people ‘until they have nothing more to give’. Kindness may be monetary, time or even a good advice (one advice to someone may change a significant thing in their life).

There are some people who really find it difficult to ask or seek for help, because either they’re not used to asking or they have their pride (the good pride of independence) – but sometimes ask for the help they really need. When they receive the help, they show appreciation and off they go. Then, there are others who ask for help once and expect your ‘shop’ to be opened all year round. The day the shop closes – friendship ends.

Many people have gone through tears and hardship to be where they are in life. They had to forgo luxury, work like elephants and eat like ants because if they don’t, they can’t achieve some goals they’ve set before them. If this person who is now comfortable – stretches out his/her arm of kindness to help someone that does not mean the person should be your pillow all the time. We take people’s kindness for granted too much and it’s always the people who give that most of the time, never get a helping hand when they are in dire need.

Personally, I think good people die early because they think everybody is/should be like them – good. They open themselves to undeserving people to abuse their kindness; before they realise what is left of them – the shock alone takes them to their early grave. The fact that you cannot cheat, steal, lie or be ‘wicked’ does not mean everybody should be/is like that. There are people who are now ‘mean’ and I just don’t blame them because someone turned them that way and other people have found themselves in a rut because they were helping a friend out.

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